It was just a quick purchase. I had done it a hundred times before and not had any problems. "$12 wasn't that much to spend on such a useful little application, " I told myself. The registration page on the app opened my browser and dropped me to a familiar site -- a universally recognized online payment service. I had an account with said service, but thought I'd simply debit my card directly without having to go through the hassle of logging in, only to be bombarded with marketing and up-selling of all kinds. "You already have an account! Please login to continue!" said the next screen. "Ok," I thought, "I guess I'll login..." I only had two accounts with said online payment service and THOUGHT I knew what to enter, but my passwords didn't work. None of my passwords worked. Fortunately for me there were handy "'Forget Your Password?" options. Yeah, well... it just hadn't been a good day, and it was about to get worse.
"Please provide your address for verification"
"Please provide your phone number for verification"
"Please provide your email address for verification"
None of these seemed to do anything except give me an error telling me that I had entered incorrect data. Again and again, with various permutations of what my house number MIGHT be, or get this... I was provided with part of my 'phone number' and needed to give the last four digits. Guess what? The 'phone number' didn't even resemble a residential phone number in the United States, let alone MY home phone number! At this point I was beginning to get a bit paranoid. "Could I be on a phishing site?" I checked and double checked with multiple browsers, but the same thing kept happening to me, even when I directly navigated to said online payment service's url. All I wanted was to pay for my stupid little shareware application, and get on with it!
Having tried the 'forgot my password' option I decided to say I forgot my account all together, which was in this case my email address. When asked I entered my name, home address, phone number, zip and hoped for the best. "Your account exists, but is inactive. Click <here> to deactivate it, or LOGIN!" At this point I was extremely tired of constantly being told to LOGIN! I couldn't! I couldn't fucking LOGIN! And I couldn't get to 'Help' or 'Contact Us' without LOGGING IN either. "What the hell is WRONG with these people!?" I fumed. It had never been so difficult to use them before! All the while I was being told to LOGIN! I was seriously worrying about the state of my bank account. I had entered my cc number earlier on in the process, before I was told to LOGIN! I hoped this wasn't the beginning of another 8 month long process to recover from identity theft (another story)
---Deep Breath--
Having been given the option I decided to close the 'account' that was somehow attached to my email address, even though no matter what I did to retrieve, reset or reinstate it nothing seemed to happen other than my blood pressure rising. "Your account is currently at a zero balance, and as such will not be reimbursed." I was told. "Great, just git rid of the damned thing," I thought. Next page: WELCOME! SHOP! LOGIN!
Ugh.
After taking a break for a few minutes that nagging dread caught up with me again. I had to check my bank to see if anything had been processed... for whatever reason. I logged on and checked my current balance. Everything seemed to be in order. Clicking over to 'pending transactions' my brow furrowed. "Those fuckers charged me a dollar? For what!?" Granted, a dollar isn't all that much, but the principle was at stake. I had been charged $1 to close my 'free' account with them, that had not been active since 2003 and no matter what I did I couldn't reset it or get into it.
"#@$%!*&("}%^&" - and you can quote me on that.
My brain was spinning. I use the net all day long, and obviously thought I was a little better at avoiding troubling situations like the one I'd stumbled into. I guess I'd thought wrong.
The only thing to do was to get someone on the phone. After minutes and minutes of clicking and searching on said online payment service's website I finally found a phone number. "Nebraska!? They want me to call Nebraska? And Pay for it?!" Yes, the (402) area code is in Nebraska, which is where I was instructed to call with my 'priority number'. What kind of priority number is '50'!? The absurdity was heaping itself on me. I felt like I was being filmed for some bad gag TV show. What did I do? I called Nebraska. "Due to inclement weather our staffing has been reduced, your wait time may be extended... " I could hear the sappy, dripping, forced happiness and wanted NONE of it. I didn't care if GOD HIMSELF was destroying all of downtown Lincoln, NE... I wanted some answers, dammit! "Please have your account and login information ready!" AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I did scream. "If you have daisies growing out your butt, press '1', if you would like to feel joy at the site of a newborn, press '3'...... it really was voicemail hell. Five minutes. I had waited longer on hold for greater adversaries. Eight minutes. Ten Minutes. Fifteen Minutes. This was going to cost me dammit, you bastards!
I hung up. "A sternly worded email! Yes! That's what I would write!"Please LOGIN! to provide feedback!"
Once more I was faced with the option, or rather, NO option NOT to LOGIN! Finally I found a somewhat hidden link on a very hidden page that told me to use <this form> to contact support. I clicked it... and got an error. I clicked it again... and got the same error. I tried to paste the url into another browser... and got the same error. "Mary, Mother of GOD!" I was not happy. At that point I felt they had me. I would just write off the dollar. They had won.
Maybe it was dumb luck... maybe it was the universe taking pity on me, I don't know, but I came across another feedback form, somewhere, don't ask because I have no idea how I 'd gotten to it. I filled it out and sent it, expecting to get some kind of "Thank you for your feedback" response. Generally most large companies will send back to your email SOME acknowledgement that they CARE about you as a customer. No. Not said online payment service. I felt like a cheap whore. All for a stupid shareware program... that I didn't need. And there went two hours of my life.
"Never again, " I swore. Until the next time I want to spend $12 on something inconsequential. At least this time I saved $11 in the process.
An Update ----->>>>>>>
I received in my mail today an answer from said company to the message I left via the web form mentioned above:
Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry to hear about the difficulty
logging in to your <<company>> account.
To begin the Password Recovery Process:
1. Visit https://www.<<company>>.com/.
2. Click the "password" link.
3. Enter the email address registered on your account. Note: If you
forgot your registered email address, click the "Forgot your email
address?" link and follow the steps provided.
4. Enter the security code by typing the characters in the field,
without spaces.
5. Click "Continue."
Based on your registered account information, you must confirm account
ownership by verifying account information and then choose a new
password.
If you are unable to successfully complete the password recovery
process, you will be provided a phone number to call <<company>> customer
service for assistance with password recovery.
Once you log in to your account, review your profile information and
make any necessary updates.
I would like to let you know that you are valuable to us. If you have
further concerns and you would like to contact <<company>>by phone, kindly
call our Customer Service agents at 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX/1-888-XXX-XXXX. We
would be more than happy to help you.
Sincerely,
Beebe
Consumer Support
<<company>>, an <<parent company>> Company
Yeah, sure 'Beebe'. Apparently what I actually WROTE in my email to you deserved no attention at all. I did all of those things... again and again and again. AND I waited on the phone... AND I'm never using your service again.
End of story.
