There are many polarizing things in this world: abortion, gun advocacy, Hillary Clinton, assorted films by Jim Carey... but all of those things pale in comparison to one thing in my mind.
So in honor of the Democratic (and Republican) national conventions this week and next I have decided to rant about something that is as distasteful as politics, especially "Election 2008", that chewy, dry, nasty confection that for some reason or another some people just can't say no to ... no, not George W.... the Circus Peanut.
It's orange, it's dry, it looks like a big piece of pre-chewed gum. The taste? The taste is apparently banana, but until I read that while doing research on the history of the circus peanut I wouldn't have EVER guessed that. That's supposed to be banana? Oh that's right, and those little baby aspirin are supposed to taste like orange too. Nice.
Anyway, the circus peanut: it's been around for a while. Confections resembling what we now love/hate date back to the 1800's when they were sold as penny candy. I can't imagine purchasing a gooey-nasty thing like that on a hot summer day, but then again, look at all the people who think fudge is the perfect hot weather treat!? Until the advent of plastic packaging these 'peanuts' weren't widely available year round, but then voila! Fast forward a hundred or so years and <insert stupid historical fact courtesy of Wikipedia> In 1963, General Mills vice president John Holahan inventively discovered that Circus Peanuts shavings yielded a tasty enhancement to his breakfast cereal. General Mills formalized the innovation and created Lucky Charms, the first breakfast cereal to contain marshmallow bits (or "marbits").</insert stupid historical fact courtesy of Wikipedia>
So we have that guy to thank for all those friggin' cereals with marshmallows in them? Bleah. Why not gumballs, or chocolate chips? Oh yes, breakfast cereal has to be 'nutritious', so we fortify it with 8 or more essential vitamins and minerals. I have an idea, stick a handful of Flintstone's vitamins in a pile of dog shit and call it nutritious. There, I'm an exec at General Mills now. Imagine the hilarious Saturday morning commercials that could be paired with THAT cereal. Picture this... a fanciful leprechaun is pursued by maniacal children to the ends of earth, resulting in his eventual psychotic breakdown. Wait, that's been done.
