"Someone Left the Donuts in the Rain..."

I don't think that I can take it, 'cuz it took so long to bake them..."

No, my life isn't a stanza from MacArthur Park, but, there are days that make it seem all the more surreal. And yeah, I know the song isn't about donuts, so before you feel the need to point that out, just don't, ok?

You see, I am strangely attractive to certain women, in social settings, usually out of doors, especially in parks, who seem to single me out for their attentions. At times I have chalked it up to different situational reasons such as possessing box of donuts (hence the headline), or looking like I HAD a lighter for the cigarette that gets waved casually/emphatically/casually by 'her.'

What generally happens is this: Chris goes about his business reading, (always reading) on a bench or table, by himself, wearing his standard, "LEAVE ME ALONE" face. 'She' approaches, circles, walks away, then comes back to sit uncomfortably close. It's a bit like when you are in an elevator alone and another person gets on, but instead of standing as far away as possible, stands RIGHT next to you, but pretends not to see you.

After a few minutes of sitting there with my book, that I am obviously reading... (we're back in the park now, stay with me) No eye contact is made. No greetings are exchanged. In fact, an awkward silence always persists for far too long.

I suppose I could always just say 'hello', but that would signal defeat in my eyes. After all it's my solitude that's shattered, not hers.

Interloper.

She then gets up and leaves.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Until the next time.

Now, you could say I am cold or callous, or ungentlemanly, but without a doubt, this is the same bitch who I then collide with getting off an elevator the next day because she's completely unaware of her surroundings and/or is unaware of anyone else around her in polite society. Oh yes, she yells at me telling me how rude I am.

I am quite gallant. Just don't cross me.

And leave me alone when I'm reading in the park.