It was a simple plan: get married.
A lot of people do it. Most of our friends have done it. Some of my siblings have done it multiple times. It's a 'cornerstone' of our society, something so simple yet vitally important to so many. Well, perhaps it's not all that simple. And it's definitely not that simple when you are us. Having to wait until it was actually LEGAL to do so kind of put a damper on the act for many, many years.
So in the spring of this year when California began allowing same sex marriages we thought, 'Hmmmmm.' (Massachusetts had allowed for marriages to that point, but you had to be a resident of the state to do so. That has recently changed.)
The threat of it all being overturned this November still hangs over our heads but at least for now we're 'equal not separate.'
But WAIT! There's more!
Unlike many of our friends and acquaintances we chose not to reveal our plans ahead of time. Not that there were thoughts of a romantic 'elopement' or anything, rather we just weren't sure of the when, the where or the how. We knew it would be sometime in the early Fall and that was about it. Besides, once we started leaking out the possibility of a 'wedding' people began the inevitable - 'Tell us when, we want to be there!' 'Are you going to have a big party?', etc. The whole thought of a traditional, huge get together with planning and invitations and headaches and stress and running around wasn't what we wanted. There will eventually be a party of some sort, but for now the fact that we have a license and are legally recognized as 'married' in at least three states in the country is good enough for us. ( Massachusetts and California permit same-sex marriage, New York recognizes these marriages from other states although 'marriage' is not allowed in NY itself. Vermont, Connecticut and New Jersey have same-sex civil unions, but are classified separately from marriage. New Mexico and Rhode Island do not explicitly prohibit same-sex marriage... yet. <More info>
Getting out there was only half the battle as we would find out in the days after our arrival at LAX. Having to travel 2,800 miles just to get married in the first place is a bit ridiculous, but as we both enjoy California and have many friends and relatives there it wasn't that much of an inconvenience. Once we got there the real adventure began. The day after we arrived was spent driving... driving... driving all over LA in search of the requisite pieces: marriage license, appointment for civil ceremony, civil ceremony. It's all very convenient that you can apply for the license online, which we did ahead of time, but that's where the convenience stopped.
We began it all on Wednesday with a trip to Norwalk, and its hall of records and licenses. Standing in line with many others who had arrived to do the same thing we were doing - getting a marriage license, I thought, "Ok, well this isn't tooooooo bad." We paid our $70 and listened to the monotone spiel of the woman behind the counter, "You have 90 days to perform a civil ceremony after that time you mail in the official license, blah, blah, blah...." It was during this that as my right hand was raised and I was swearing the information on the license was correct and true I thought, "oh god... I'm getting MARRIED..." Or at least I was getting 'Licensed to Marry' - cue the James Bond theme. Dave then asked the source of the monotony, "I was told we would be able to schedule a civil ceremony here?" "You have to call to schedule an appointment, but we're booked up until next week." After explaining we were only in town for a few days the blank stare repeated, "We're booked up until next week, you'll 
have to call and schedule an appointment." Dave had spent a good amount of time on the phone with a number of town halls the day before determining where to go and if we'd be able to get everything done in the short amount of time in LA we had and we knew the places she was about to tell us to call/ go weren't an option. That didn't deter her from telling us anyway. After a few minutes of round and round and round she offered us one option, "Van Nuys... you need to call Van Nuys, then you can schedule an appointment." It was a shot, and for about five minutes we felt as though we were moving in the right direction again.
Unfortunately as we were about to find out Van Nuys city hall was undergoing construction and all calls were being routed through another office.... yup, the very same office we had just left. And wouldn't you know, they couldn't schedule anything... because they were 'booked up.' The cheerful, yet monotone woman with her "Van Nuys! Van Nuys!" was simply doing her best to get rid of us. Hmmmmm. All was not lost, but once more we had to pile into the car and DRIVE.
One aside here is required. Our very good friend Felice, was not only a gracious host to us that week, but was also our chauffeur during our mad dashings all over LA. Most of this trip would not have been possible without his hospitality and willingness to participate in 'Chris & Dave's Excellent Adventure.' As many of you know neither Dave nor I drive, and LA is not exactly the best place to get around without a car. Felice would also serve as our witness and best man at the civil ceremony... which DID eventually happen, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Getting back on the freeway, the 5 or the 110 or whatever... they're all the same to me, we headed west toward Santa Monica. LAX had a courthouse and we might be able to schedule the ceremony. It was another shot, but we'd come quite a distance, so it was just going to have to be attempted. Why, you may ask, didn't we set all this up ahead of time? We had attempted to, but aside from knowing what days different town halls performed ceremonies and how much each service would cost there was little we could do without being there in person. In order to schedule a civil ceremony you have to HAVE the marriage license, which you need to be present for to obtain. We finally pulled into the parking lot at the LAX courthouse. "Wait here, I'll go in and see what I can find out..." and away went Dave into the towering structure. Time passed. And passed. And I took some pictures... My favorite is the muffin wrapper on the sewer grate. Finally he emerged from the building with a smile on his face. "10:45am Friday morning, we have an appointment at the office in Compton. They were very nice inside! The woman who helped me got right on her computer and scheduled us!"
"Ummmm.... Compton?"
We then drove to the Venice Beach pier and had dinner. That day was long enough and a bit of diving through the waves was needed.
Fast forward one day, a blissful day of not worrying about the whens, the wheres, the hows.....
Friday morning we had to scramble. Our appointment was at the Florence Firestone Community Center, on Compton. Having been reminded by Dave the day before when I asked, "Compton?" that I'd seen 'Boyz n the Hood'.... I was wondering just what we were in for that morning. As it turned out the center wasn't really IN Compton, but in Florence, hence the name. We parked and walked in. Heading up to the second floor for 'records' we were greeted by a man with a quizzical look. "Are you the contractors?" "No, we're not, we're not contractors," Felice, best man and chauffeur-vivant answered. Which didn't seem to be the right response. The man continued to follow me, and after another few minutes asked again. "I'm not a contractor, I'm here for a wedding," I all but barked at him. "Oh! Well, when we see someone with a camera in this building we get kind of curious... just asking." He then retreated behind a closed door. I felt like saying, "Go away, I'm here to get married and I'm tense enough!" I needed to remind myself to RELAX, this was my WEDDING day. (Something I hadn't exactly thought of or planned, dreamed about, or looked to my entire life, but here it was.) We watched a young couple, with baby, emerge from the 'Wedding Chapel,' or as I will always remember it: Room 218. Dave beckoned me to the door, "Chris, come here, you might want to see this." Inside was a fairly normal looking 
conference room with chairs, and one addition... a very large aluminum arbor, interwoven with silk flowers, and shiny dangling hearts of all colors. We looked at each other. "There will be no pictures in this room," I decreed. "Agreed," came Dave's response. We waited for our judge to appear and in a few minutes were joined by a very nice woman who seemed a bit confused by our demeanor. "You are here for the 10:45?" she asked. "Yes, I have the license and paperwork right here...." "You have to ... blah, blah, blah....." And when I write that, that is exactly what I heard, ( It was kind of like being in a Charlie Brown special ) expecting to be given some run around about not having the right paperwork, or not being scheduled, or even being prepared for her to look at us and say, "We don't do this kind of thing here!" "You need to pay the $25 before I can marry you," was all she was saying. "Oh....ok," came our response, simultaneously. I had thought this whole process was going to be stress-proof, but you know? Apparently it WAS getting to me!
The ceremony itself was over and done with in about 3 minutes. The two things I remember about it? I thought at the very beginning, "I'd better stop laughing or she's going to stop and tell me I'm obviously not taking 'marriage' seriously. And when it came time to 'join hands' Dave and I did a very awkward 'hand-jive' kind of thing for what seemed like an eternity. We just couldn't seem to figure out HOW we were supposed to hold each other's hands! She pronounced us married in the State of California and that was that. Oh, and we kissed, which is the normal thing to do... I've been to weddings before ;)
After the ceremony we went to the Farmer's Market at the Grove Mall in Hollywood. Our friends Jason & Ed had just returned from their honeymoon (Congrats to them, married the week before us) and were meeting up with us in LA before their trip home to San Francisco the next day. Here we see Dave having what I realize now was our wedding cake: he had an eclair, I had a biegnet. Champagne was to follow shortly when I told the waiter in our restaurant, "Hell, bring me a bottle of Piper."
A weight was lifted and so was my mood. Those of you who know me can only imagine what my mood was like if I don't describe it as 'cheerful' or 'buoyant.' We were married. Gosh. I'm sure that couples have gone through this exact same thing again and again and again and I'm also confident that had we opted for a much larger to-do I would have probably had a LOT more to write about. That's just not us though. We have enough stress throwing our holiday parties each year, we don't need to go and plan a big wedding as well!
So for those of you who would have liked to have been there all I can say is there wasn't enough room in the back seat of Felice Picano's car, sorry.
P.S. A number of months later our good friend, Bruce Schimmel did a piece in the Philly City Paper (my alma-mater, so to speak) which highlighted me and Dave, our thoughts on 'marriage' and how our attitudes had changed since the event. You can find that article <here>.
